If you’ve never been a part of a writers group, let me explain to you what it’s like. It’s like belonging to a Naked-Person-Of-The-Month Club in which, when it’s your month, you email nude pictures of yourself to each member of the group. Then everyone shows up at Panera Bread on a predetermined Saturday afternoon, the group leader sets your picture down in the middle of the table next to your bread bowl, and the entire group proceeds to tell you exactly what’s wrong with your body. In excruciating detail. Every lump. Every bump. Every dimple of your expansive backside. Continue reading →

 A short time ago I saw a posting from Brain Pickings on Facebook, quoting Oscar Wilde as having said, “A True Artist Takes No Notice Whatever of the public. The public are to him non-existent.”

Listed amongst the comments which followed were such remarks as:

“No finer definition of art and artists has been written.”

“Pure Genius.”

“fuck yes! true words.”

And so goeth generations of gullible artists to their narcissistic vacuums to create art for an audience that, according to Oscar Wilde, does not matter.

To this I say, “PPPTTTHHHHHTTTTTT!”

I call BULLSHIT on Oscar Wilde. Bullshit I say! Because not even Oscar Wilde believed this nonsense. The fact is, he was acutely aware of his audience and went to great lengths to attract, shock and sustain them through not only his writing, but his personal behavior as well. Don’t forget, he is also the father of this precious word baby: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” Does that sound like a guy who doesn’t give a whiz about his audience? He was the epitome of an artist in search of attention. Why else would he walk around Victorian England with a lobster on a leash? A LOBSTER, PEOPLE!!!!!!!

This is just one of several moronic yet  persistent myths about successful creative people that I’d like to take out back to the shed and put down with a shotgun before it mauls another innocent bystander.

Here is a list of some other insidious myths that are on my hit list: Continue reading →

All right, word-herders. It’s a new year and as promised, its time to lay out my landscape for 2014. It’s resolution time, and I’m not talking about scribbling in some Flavia notebook in purple ink whilst curled up on my neatly made bed sipping a cup of Vanilla Chai Tea…which is delicious by the way, so I’m not throwin’ shade on the the vanilla chai. No sir . Heck no. I’m talking about getting dirty, taking a couple tugs off a bottle of Russian Standard, cranking up the music and chiseling my resolutions on the stone tablet of writerly awesomeness. I’m talking about putting some real skin in the game. I’m talking about NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FROM HELL! Continue reading →

ATTENTION NON-WRITING TROLLS: 2014 Is Your Year! It’s Go-Time. It’s do-or-die time! Time to separate the wheat from the chaff. Time to put your money where your mouth is, wherever it is (unless your mouth is presently occupied with something other than talking. In that case, Ewwwgross.). Time to make a writer of yourself…or move on with your life.

In fact, in 2014, if you call yourself a writer and you aren’t writing, you may no longer USE the words “WRITE”, “RIGHT” in conversation, or even “WRIGHT” for that matter, which will suck if you’re into woodworking. Oy. Good luck with that.

And just HOW EXACTLY, you ask, are we going to do THAT?  Well, we’re going to make resolutions (Boo. Boring. Yawn. Scratch. Fart.) Wait! I’m not finished! We aren’t talking about your pedestrian, garden variety resolutions. Oh no, mister. We’re talking about:

THE WRITER’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FROM HELL!!!! 

(thunder clap/shrill scream/maniacal laughter)

Continue reading →